A day came when I was all alone..lonely in my room..with closed door and windows..my cell which was never gone switched off was first time disabled by me. I started skipping my meals, parents use to call me everyday, I gave a simple reason to them, "I am not hungry now..will eat after sometime", but never use to ate. The darkness of my room was increasing day by day. I started sleeping at floor rather than on bed. Dark and silent nights became horrible for me, but still I liked it. Parents were really irritated by me for this kind of behavior, they scolded me, dad slapped me, when I said "I do not feel like living anymore..I want to die.", that was the hardest slap I ever got from my dad.
They asked me the reason for doing this, I told, "I am fine, I am not doing this purposely, or to hurt you all, it's just happening, I don't know what’s this, I need some time, I'll overcome from this, but just leave me alone for now..please..". I don't know what was happening to me. I was living alone, parents were worried, no contacts with my friends, this continued till 2 months. Mom & dad decided to take me to the psychiatrists, I told them 'No', I again begged them to give me some time.
One day I saw my mom crying because of my condition. I tried to stop her tears but they didn't stopped, I felt sad for her, I felt guilty, I was hurting my parents, from that day I tried to change my behavior, not for myself but for my parents, specially for my mother, who cared for me very much. Within few weeks I was normal back again.
Am I still normal? Am I happy? Have I forgot my past? or still that emptiness is inside me. Who I was and Who am I now? Today also, these questions arises in my mind when I am Alone.
